The trick is to pay attention, and notice the little things that could be barriers to my ability to get by.
This morning was a great example.
Lately we've been getting an awful lot done. So much so that I never have time to write! We've been preparing ground, planting, mulching, mowing (not such a sustainable operation but just wait till we get our scythes!), and cooking, cooking, cooking for lots of hard working hungry mouths. It all leaves us feeling weary . . . but fulfilled.
But this morning, I realized fairly rapidly that something was amiss. Pretty much every word that came out of my sweet love's mouth sounded sour. Every phrase reminded me either of things that I've wanted done for years, or of my sweetheart's myriad flaws (real or imagined). I couldn't do my morning Sudoku worth a darn, and you wouldn't believe how hard it is right now for me to even put together a coherent sentence. Frankly I felt a lot like David Byrne.
(Good God, watching the video without sound just now made me feel like he and are experiencing exactly the same thing!)Here's where one of the finer points of sustainability comes in. I need to listen to myself, hear what my body is telling me, and take a quick step back. If I don't there will be a $%!# storm of tsunamic proportions! You see, in all likelihood, the love of my life is not doing or saying anything different than he does on any other day. What's different is what is going on inside my brain.
The Darth Maul of Menopause.
Gentlemen, don't stop reading here, after all, with your prostrate glands spitting out less testosterone, you have you own special days too.
Hormones can be, and surely have been, the catalyst of destruction for many a wonderful relationship. They can twist our perceptions, cloud our thinking, and even throw us into rages if we let them. For those of us who are not fond of ingesting horse urine, (research the ingredients of your Premarin ladies) it is very important that we find sustainable ways of dealing with these strange chemicals that are so near and dear to us. After all, without hormones our bodies wouldn't deal at all well with some reasonably important functions . . . like breathing. (I think hormones get a pretty bad rap really, nearly only getting mentioned when a mature woman is in a bad mood, or an immature man is in a randy mood.)
The best and most sustainable way I have found for dealing with hormonal rage is to listen to my body and to keep my mouth shut. Oh I know, it sounds way too simple, even trite, but it works. To caveat, I am not suggesting that women should not question their partners or express themselves. I'm saying, give it a little time. While I am in the throes of a hormonal morning, if I catch it in time, I respond as little as possible to anything anyone says. If I can, I let the others in my house know that it's not a good morning and it has nothing to do with them. And I get on with my day. When things don't go right, I move on to something different that maybe I can do well. I pray that everyone will magically disappear for a little while, and if that doesn't happen, I might disappear myself for a bit. I do my very best to not engage any grievances while I am in this state of mind. If they still seem important a few days later, I can bring them up then without sounding like I hate anybody.
Soon enough you'll feel like Willie
Incidentally, men, you have a role too. If you realize your woman is in a "hormonal state", or if she is good enough to tell you that that's what's going on, do your part. Don't express fault with anything she does. Just like me, you can hold those comments until the storm passes. (Women do the same for your men when they are having their day.)
This is my personal sustainable hormone therapy. I'd be very interested in hearing how any of you cope with similar situations.
You know, it's funny, most people have a plan of action when they hear a tornado warning on the radio. Doesn't it make sense that we need to have plans of actions for personal storms as well?